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SEX ADDICTION
Sexual addiction is not only a tendency towards casual liaisons for some men and women, but is a behaviour that becomes obsessive, compulsive and eventually self-destructive. While acting out, addicts use sex or romance and the instant gratification provided by sex as a release from psychological pain. This form of use and abuse is the very thing that other addictions share in definition.
Our sexuality is at the core of our being, part of the essence of who we
are, and how we relate to others. Some think that to be sexual is our birthright.
It is our birthright to be sexually healthy to enhance the way we look at
the world and ourselves.
The following information will give you an idea as to whether your sexual patterns need healing:
Beliefs that can lead to sex addiction
Sex is essential
Sex is powerful
Sex is frightening
Signs of Sexual Addiction
- A pattern of out-of control behaviours.
- Severe consequences due to sexual behaviour.
- Inability to stop despite adverse consequences.
- Persistent pursuit of self-destructive high risk behaviour.
- Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behaviour.
- Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy.
- Increasing amounts of sexual experience because the current level of
activity is no longer sufficient.
- Severe mood changes around sexual activity.
- Inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering
from sexual experience.
- Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities
because of sexual behaviour.
Pattern of Powerlessness -- Eleven Behavioural Types
1. Fantasy Sex
Behaviour Examples: Thinking/obsessing about sexual adventures; inordinate
amounts of time spent losing self in fantasy about future or past; neglecting
commitments because of fantasy life; dramatizing a particular role in your
fantasy; creating sexualized or seductive atmospheres that you prefer to keep
as fantasy and not act on; spending a large amount of time preparing for sexual
episode.
2. Seductive Role Sex
Behaviour Examples: Having many relationships at the same time or one after
another; using seduction to gain power over others; thinking that sex will
give power over; flirtatious or seductive behaviours; hustling in singles
clubs, bars, or health clubs; maintaining open calendars or failing to make
commitments in order to be available for sex; bringing sex or sexualized humour
into conversations; having to be sexual in order to feel good about self.
3. Anonymous Sex
Behaviour Examples: Engaging in sex with anonymous partners; cruising beaches,
parks, parking lots, rest rooms, and baths; having one-night stands; participating
in group sex.
4. Paying For Sex
Behaviour Examples: Paying for sexually explicit phone calls; using an escort
service; paying someone for sexual activity; using the personal columns to
find sex partners; patronizing saunas, massage parlours, or rap lounges.
5. Trading Sex
Behaviour Examples: Making sexually explicit videotapes and photographs; posing
for sexually explicit videotapes and photographs; exposing yourself from stage
or for hire; pimping others for sexual activities; receiving money for sexual
activity; receiving drugs for sexual activity; administering drugs to force
sexual activity.
6. Voyeuristic Sex
Behaviour Examples: Using sexually explicit magazines or videotapes; having
collections of pornography at home or work; patronizing adult bookstores and
strip shows; using binoculars or telescopes to watch people; looking through
windows of apartments and houses; sexualizing others in public places; sexualizing
materials not sexually explicit.
7. Exhibitionist Sex
Behaviour Examples: Exposing yourself in public places, such as parks, streets,
school yards; exposing yourself from your home or car; being sexual or dressing
or undressing in public; using choice of clothing to expose yourself; belonging
to a nudist club to find sex partners.
8. Intrusive Sex
Behaviour Examples: Making inappropriate sexual advances or gestures; touching
or fondling without others permission; using sexually explicit stories, humour,
or language at inappropriate times or places; using power position (e.g.,
as professional, clergy, or employer) to exploit or be sexual with another
person; forcing sexual activity on any person including your spouse or partner.
9. Pain Exchange
Behaviour Examples: Receiving physical harm or pain during sexual activity
to intensify sexual pleasure; causing physical harm or pain to partner to
intensify sexual pleasure; willingly giving up power or acting out the victim
role in sexual activity; using sexual aids to enhance sexual experience.
10. Object Sex
Behaviour Examples: Masturbating with objects; cross dressing to add to sexual
pleasure; using fetishes as part of sexual rituals; engaging in sexual activity
with animals.
11. Sex With Children
Behaviour Examples: Sharing inappropriate sexual information with children;
exposing children to adult sexual activities; forcing sexual activity on a
child within or outside the family; engaging in sex with a consenting minor;
watching child pornography.
The above text is taken from a pioneer researcher and author working in the
area of sexual addiction. His work is used by counsellors as well as addicts
to understand and recover from this deadly, heartbreaking dis-ease.
Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. is the author of "Out of the Shadows", "Don't Call It Love" and other books written on the results of studies and counselling those desiring to heal from their sexual addictive behaviours. His knowledge helps those who are seeking help to attain a complete recovery from all their addictions.
This addiction, if not added to one's recovery program, will be the one that keeps people from enjoying contented sobriety. Since this addiction is so secretive and it is a source of guilt and hame, this can eventually lead the addict back to the original addiction to ease the pain that is ncurred by the consequences of this complicated disease. If you need assistance, seek further information on EFT and ERT.
Emotional Freedom Techniques and Emotional Release Therapy can be beneficial in helping to overcome addictions. Nutrition also plays a part in your recovery.
For a free 15 minute consultation contact:
Kallie P. Miller, R.N., EFT-CC, 1-519-471-6234. London, Canada.
Both of these techniques may be facilitated over the telephone.
Bibliography
Carnes, Patrick J., Don't Call It Love (New York, Bantam, 1991), Pages 10-12, 42-44.
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